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- I was 55, gay and worried: Why would anyone want to date me?
- 5 Questions I'm Often Asked About Relationships With an Age Difference
- Find best gay online dating app matches gaylord matchmakers
- Navigating Relationship Age Gaps
Having spent my life as a professional communicator, I have to think I am at least a decent storyteller. I sent more than a few emails and received pretty much meager results. Now, I am not model material but I am not roadkill either, so I was surprised.
Anyone who has certain ZIP Codes in their profile I pass on, as I am very down to earth and suspect I would have little in common with some of the more elite digits around L. Further, anyone who has "sitting by a fireplace," "walking on the beach" or "staring longingly into each other's eyes" is passed on. I have been in two long-term relationships, and anyone who has been can tell you that you spend more time fighting over who's going to take out the trash rather than looking at each other adoringly.
So I look for those who have been in relationships, or who at least seem to be grounded in the realities of life. Bars are not an option for me; they are bacterial breeding grounds for insecurity. I don't need that at this point. Dating is so vastly different now.
I was 55, gay and worried: Why would anyone want to date me?
People no longer talk, they text — incessantly. You have to understand, I stopped dating before the age of the Internet, so there have been 21 years in which a new infrastructure had been built up that I had not been privy to, but again, I am rallying. I have never had a "type" and in the past was attracted to those older than myself; they generally had more to say and I appreciated their knowledge and understanding of self.
Now the rules have changed. Someone 20 years older than me would be in their 70s, so not the same feeling.
5 Questions I'm Often Asked About Relationships With an Age Difference
And I am a really "young" I like Coldplay, can still make it up the trails at Griffith Park, have been known to savor a musical or two at the Pantages, and have a very open mind and heart. So the people I am conversing with are younger. When I say younger, I did not plan for a person in his mids to become part of my new landscape for the four months he did — and no, I did not pay for it. I have to give credit to this person, he was the first one in 21 years who got me to open my heart, as bruised and battered as it was. It felt wonderful and painful and I was able to experience the Hollywood Bowl through a new set of eyes.
We had a lot in common, but in the end, the age expanse made a difference. We spent many a night talking until 2, 3 in the morning, but I get up at 5 a. I remembered at that age, those were common hours to keep.
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I also found I had to explain pretty much everything; as intelligent as my friend was, he simply did not have the experience. It is important to take him seriously, as some of his concerns might be valid. Next, tell him your thoughts and feelings about the age differences and ask that he take you seriously as well.
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It is important to validate his concerns because, after all, they are his concerns, whether they are real or imagined. He has to work them through and talking together is a great way to do this.
Navigating Relationship Age Gaps
Some of the things to consider are what others will say about your relationship and the way in which they will judge it. The two of you need to anticipate this and find a way to handle it. Younger gay men will judge your partner for not being able to keep up with his own age group. After 26 years as a therapist, I have learned that each couple is unique and different and how they make it work is tailored to that couple. No one can look in from the outside and judge it. I have always been interested in older men, but never thought it could work because of the age gap.
It started casually but we both soon realised that we were very good together and have had a very happy two years.
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But is a relationship like this unsustainable and am I going to hurt my partner more by continuing it? Or is there a possibility of somehow making it work and everyone around us accepting it? Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.